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Description
Chordata Monera Reference 
Audition 
Round 1 
Round 2 
Round 3 
Round 4 Round 5: The Grand Finale
Previous: [link]
First: [link]
After sleepless hours, severe computer problems, stressing my head off, and much blood, sweat, tears, and ninjas, I present the final installment:
~*~ [link] ~*~
Freakin' storyboard/Animation.
I apologize for the sketchiness of it. I wish I had known how much this project would have entailed, then I would have started much earlier. Some of my intended favorite scenes are less-than-epic now. I'm sure you can tell which ones, because they are as anticlimactic as heck. ;n; There are quite a few continuity errors, confusing parts, and editing issues, but alas, it is done. I'm proud of my efforts into it none-the-less.
Some of you might be disappointed that Elly was not defeated in some way, and that the ghosts were not freed. I'm sorry about that, but it's just not in Chordata's character, or my intentions from the start. I pictured Elly a bit differently than most, as did Chordata's own viewpoint, and the same applies with the ghosts. But who knows what may happen with Chordata second in command? Ooh, the mystery~
I want to thank *Shinkoryu14 for being my editor in my previous written parts once again. You were amazingly helpful <3
And, of course, my brilliant voice actors! You guys did such an awesome job! I applaud your efforts! With rainbow bullets because it's fitting.
Chordata played by *Shinkoryu14 Hoatzin played by ~Larkpaw
Elly played by ~RocketMeowth Nim played by ~PacksandPrides Cam (flashback dude) played by ~ReverendAspen
Vin & unnamed chick (aka ORPHAN CHILDRENZ) played by ~NuclearLoop Creepy shop lady played by me 8DAnd of course, as always, do read my opponent's round! It was fantastic and brilliant for a final round entry! I am honored to be up against it! <3
ToH: Round 5 Part 1 I was awake for sunrise. At a high vantage point, it was easy to see where that great orb of light would emerge. Slowly, slowly the sky grew lighter. The last stars faded away into the dawn. Finally, a sliver of golden light appeared on the horizon. Sunrise, sunset. That reminded me of a song I'd heard once- perhaps Nim knew it. My singing voice wasn't all that great, but at least I could hit the correct pitches. Most of the time.
"Sunrise, sunset. Sunrise, sunset.
Swiftly, flow the days."
Really, it was not so long ago that the tournament began. Just a few short days passed by, and here was the match to decide it all. My opponent woul
Enjoy
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Comments60
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Oh man. I guess I never commented on your final ToH piece? I could've sworn I wrote some kind of comment about your ToH entries (or at least started to)... Hm. :[
Firstly, I wanted to commend you on even attempting to do a fifteen minute animation/animatic in a month (or was it two months? Either way...). That's hella ambitious!
Even despite not being able to finish it in the end, it was a worthy attempt. Heck, doing a 1-minute animation in a month is a fairly lofty goal, and you were able to put sound in and get voice actors which is time-consumming in and of itself, and that's really awesome. I'm also happy to see that you made it all the way to the finals and we got to see how you would've told Chordata's story from beginning to end. Congrats!
I liked the flashback was and I think you set the drama in that up well. I'm not sure how I felt about that one interruption where you went back to Hoatzin slipping from the platform, but I understand why you did... I think it might have been a bit less jarring if you kept the music from the flashback going on over it. I also didn't really get what was going on with Elly and the ghosts, but I think that's just because of the unfinished nature of the animatic (which I don't think is worth fussing over, because honestly I wouldn't even expect many professionals to finish a polished 15-minute piece in that time stretch.
).
I kind of want to crit Chordata's story as a whole (I was so busy while this was going on so I didn't get to say a lot of what I wanted to), so I think I'll take the time to do that here. First thing I want to say is that I really like Chordata's design. She's my favorite of your designs so far (though Linda is pretty cool too). She has a good color scheme and isn't too crazy-looking, and I think the restraint is a good thing. 
I also liked that she developed as a character and that her values shifted. What I didn't get, though, is why she developed the way she did. She seemed to have gone from brash character who wouldn't hesitate to hurt others (as with Ronny and Marciana) to a... less brash character who hesitated some to hurt others and then regretted it (Bane, Lorksuot and Yomi). If anything, I would've thought the tournament would desensitized her further, and I'm not really sure why she suddenly started caring. Perhaps things may have been different if she grew to care about her opponents, but she didn't seem to have time to get to know anyone other than Quincy, Ach'M and to a lesser extent, Bane, and she didn't cause any of their deaths. I also have doubts about how un-caring!Chordata manifested in the first place, unless the tournament was the first place she made friends, and we know from the flashbacks that this isn't the case. Personally I don't mind that she went the way she did because I can actually sympathize with caring!Chordata more, but her reasons for becoming that way feel shifty to me.
Another thing I didn't really understand was the withholding of Chordata's past. I did think it created some drama to have it steadily revealed through flashbacks and I did like the flashback scenes on their own, I have some doubts over whether or not they served a purpose, especially during that last reveal at the climax. I can kind of see that Hoatzin reminded Chordata of that kid she stole the essence from, but you'd think from the placement of it that this would affect her decision on what she did with Hoatzin, and... I don't feel like it did. Maybe you were trying to imply that the power isn't all bad since it saved Nim? If so, I didn't really get that until I thought about for a good long while. Perhaps it would have made more sense if she had that last flashback right before she took Nim's essence?
Overall, I'm left with impression that Chordata's character growth was inconsistent and zigzagged unnecessarily, which made it very hard to understand her actions. For example, Chordata seems to be upset, or at least disturbed over having been tricked into taking an essence by the shopkeeper. However, we already know that she's cool taking essences from all of the previous entries. What changed? Why did she keep the essence necklace and continue to use its power? Did she keep using it because she thought she was already damned by the Spirits for taking one essence? Is that why she became so uncaring? If so, wouldn't it have been more interesting to have that final flashback be the first or second, and the rest be exploring how Chordata came to terms with using such a dark power? Then the tournament arc would ultimately pay off in the revelation that her power can be used to help others. I'm making an awful lot of assumptions here, but that's just an example of how her character arc could perhaps be cleaned up a little.
Another thing I didn't really get was why Chordata (...or a lot of the contestants, really) wanted this apprenticeship despite the fact that she became disillusioned with the circus and all the tragedy surrounding it. I was surprised to see Chordata be pleased with having gained the apprenticeship at the end, despite everything she went through. I expected some kind of retaliation or condition-giving, but nothing really happened, and I feel like that invalidates what character growth she did have.
All in all though, I did think she was an interesting character and I was rooting for you throughout the tourney, so I'm glad you got so far!
Firstly, I wanted to commend you on even attempting to do a fifteen minute animation/animatic in a month (or was it two months? Either way...). That's hella ambitious!
Even despite not being able to finish it in the end, it was a worthy attempt. Heck, doing a 1-minute animation in a month is a fairly lofty goal, and you were able to put sound in and get voice actors which is time-consumming in and of itself, and that's really awesome. I'm also happy to see that you made it all the way to the finals and we got to see how you would've told Chordata's story from beginning to end. Congrats!I liked the flashback was and I think you set the drama in that up well. I'm not sure how I felt about that one interruption where you went back to Hoatzin slipping from the platform, but I understand why you did... I think it might have been a bit less jarring if you kept the music from the flashback going on over it. I also didn't really get what was going on with Elly and the ghosts, but I think that's just because of the unfinished nature of the animatic (which I don't think is worth fussing over, because honestly I wouldn't even expect many professionals to finish a polished 15-minute piece in that time stretch.
).I kind of want to crit Chordata's story as a whole (I was so busy while this was going on so I didn't get to say a lot of what I wanted to), so I think I'll take the time to do that here. First thing I want to say is that I really like Chordata's design.
She's my favorite of your designs so far (though Linda is pretty cool too). She has a good color scheme and isn't too crazy-looking, and I think the restraint is a good thing. I also liked that she developed as a character and that her values shifted. What I didn't get, though, is why she developed the way she did. She seemed to have gone from brash character who wouldn't hesitate to hurt others (as with Ronny and Marciana) to a... less brash character who hesitated some to hurt others and then regretted it (Bane, Lorksuot and Yomi). If anything, I would've thought the tournament would desensitized her further, and I'm not really sure why she suddenly started caring. Perhaps things may have been different if she grew to care about her opponents, but she didn't seem to have time to get to know anyone other than Quincy, Ach'M and to a lesser extent, Bane, and she didn't cause any of their deaths. I also have doubts about how un-caring!Chordata manifested in the first place, unless the tournament was the first place she made friends, and we know from the flashbacks that this isn't the case. Personally I don't mind that she went the way she did because I can actually sympathize with caring!Chordata more, but her reasons for becoming that way feel shifty to me.
Another thing I didn't really understand was the withholding of Chordata's past. I did think it created some drama to have it steadily revealed through flashbacks and I did like the flashback scenes on their own, I have some doubts over whether or not they served a purpose, especially during that last reveal at the climax. I can kind of see that Hoatzin reminded Chordata of that kid she stole the essence from, but you'd think from the placement of it that this would affect her decision on what she did with Hoatzin, and... I don't feel like it did. Maybe you were trying to imply that the power isn't all bad since it saved Nim? If so, I didn't really get that until I thought about for a good long while. Perhaps it would have made more sense if she had that last flashback right before she took Nim's essence?
Overall, I'm left with impression that Chordata's character growth was inconsistent and zigzagged unnecessarily, which made it very hard to understand her actions. For example, Chordata seems to be upset, or at least disturbed over having been tricked into taking an essence by the shopkeeper. However, we already know that she's cool taking essences from all of the previous entries. What changed? Why did she keep the essence necklace and continue to use its power? Did she keep using it because she thought she was already damned by the Spirits for taking one essence? Is that why she became so uncaring? If so, wouldn't it have been more interesting to have that final flashback be the first or second, and the rest be exploring how Chordata came to terms with using such a dark power? Then the tournament arc would ultimately pay off in the revelation that her power can be used to help others. I'm making an awful lot of assumptions here, but that's just an example of how her character arc could perhaps be cleaned up a little.
Another thing I didn't really get was why Chordata (...or a lot of the contestants, really) wanted this apprenticeship despite the fact that she became disillusioned with the circus and all the tragedy surrounding it. I was surprised to see Chordata be pleased with having gained the apprenticeship at the end, despite everything she went through. I expected some kind of retaliation or condition-giving, but nothing really happened, and I feel like that invalidates what character growth she did have.
All in all though, I did think she was an interesting character and I was rooting for you throughout the tourney, so I'm glad you got so far!