A Lot of Things

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Greetings again everyone. A lot has happened lately, as many know. I feel writing about it may help a bit.

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First and foremost comes the unfortunate, though predicted death of my grandmother. I'm doing alright now, though the timing of everything could not have been worse. She passed two Saturdays ago but the funeral home was so swamped they couldn't hold the funeral until the following Friday and Saturday. My dad had surgery Friday. I had to leave Thursday.

I wasn't able to go, obviously, and neither could my dad. Thankfully my mom had other relatives there with her (I have no siblings). I don't mind having not went since there's a lot of heated turmoil between our family and the other side of our family that had taken care of my Granny and I 100% know I wouldn't have been able to control myself. I really don't like funerals anyway. I would rather mourn privately and remember my loved ones as they once were. Still, that week was an emotional roller coaster.

For my Granny... she was a simple and sweet woman. She wasn't very exciting, a bit of an introvert, and not very independent. She loved to cook, though, and I will always fondly remember her homemade meals and I have learned a couple dishes from her I'll always continue to cook. What really strikes me hard on this death, however, is the fact I spent a massive portion of my life around her and my PawPaw (who died years ago, and whom I wrote about here on dA too when he passed). Before I entered school the two of them took care of me when my parents worked. When I started school I would go home to their house (which is right down the road from us). I really remember it fondly in middle school when I would ride the bus home there. Every single school day for more years than I can count. And even the weekends after.

It's just kind of hard realizing all this.

Someone else I really want to dedicate to is my other grandmother, my Granny Lois, who passed 2 years ago. I didn't write about her I think because I was still in a bit of denial. She lived away from us but always visited every single Christmas and sometimes other holidays and times of the year. She died of liver cancer due to complications from Hep C. My Granny Lois was nothing like my Granny. She was outgoing, constantly on the move, and could do it all alone without fear. She was fairly educated and could do math in her head faster than anyone. She knew every single one of my friends by their nickname, even my online ones (which still blows my mind). She couldn't cook at all and she was a little bit snooty at times, especially regarding dogs. She really wasn't a fan of pets and their odors. But damn, she was an incredible woman. Even up to when she died she was the same person. She was strong and beautiful and loved God more than anyone (she read the entirety of the bible more than anyone else I know). When the cards she used to always send me stopped when she died it felt alien. And I don't think I really realized it was real and that she was and is truly gone until my Granny died.

I hadn't seen my Granny in 5 years because of the hate I had for the side of my family taking care of her, but I don't regret that. I want to remember her before her Dementia took over and she became someone else.
For my Granny Lois, I want to remember her the way she was the last time I saw her, our last Christmas.

I love the fond memories I have of everyone. Them, my Pawpaw, my Aunt Sadie, my Uncle Gene.
Death really sucks. But you can't stop it. It simply is.
I'll be okay, and I know my mom will be okay, but she's still hurting now and I worry about her while I'm away from home.

As I said before, PLEASE DO NOT COMMENT ON THIS JOURNAL TALKING ABOUT "I know how you feel, my X died..." I REALLY DISLIKE THOSE COMMENTS. PLEASE RESPECT THAT.


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At current I'm doing okay. School is back in session and things are going alright so far. My schedule is relatively loose so it's not an extremely heavy workload.
I am, however, finding myself stressing out over miscellaneous things, particularly con prep. I am really contemplating not doing it at all, but I'm trying to stay positive. I am not planning on selling a lot, just a couple comics (it's just a 4 hour expo so I'm not going to go crazy) most of which are already done or need tiny adjustments. I'm just nervous is all, I guess. My mind's all over the place right now.

On top of that, I've been having a lot of horrible neck/back pain lately. I think it's stress-induced and all in my head, but god does it hurt. I have been living on heating pads and microwaveable corn bags this week. Drawing isn't super painful but it is a nuisance. I'm pretty much just bearing through it and trying to focus on my work and ignoring it to see if it fades off.

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All that aside, The Selection is still staying on course and I'm going to continue working on new pages coming up.
NaNo is also coming up and idk what I'm doing for that yet. I am thinking about skipping it this year but... I also really enjoy it so. I dunno. We'll see!

Thank you all for your patience and support. Gotta keep truckin'!

~*~Filly B.~*~



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Comments16
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Ribbontail's avatar
Oh Filly, I'm so sorry to hear about this. This was a beautifully-written journal, but also a very sad one. Sounds like your two grandmothers-- two wildly different women!-- were fantastic people, and it must have been hard seeing them pass away, especially so close together. That must have been really hard, especially with the stress of school. Please take care of yourself, okay? :heart: